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Hear ye, hear ye! It is hereby declared that:

1) If you have been known to refer to yourself as "A-dog";

2) If you are such a jerk that even hockey players are embarrassed by your behavior;

3) If you spent the off-season interning at Vogue;

4) And, most importantly, if you publicly refer to your ex-girlfriend as "sloppy seconds"...

Hello! My name is La Macha, and I'll be guest blogging at Bitch for the next bit! Usually I post at Vivir Latino with the unrivaled mami blogger; Maegan "la Mamita Mala" Ortiz. I thank the amazing Debbie for allowing me this opportunity to post here!

While I'm at Bitch, I'll be blogging about sports related 'stuff.' Now, before you roll your eyes and skip over my posts, let me just say--there's a reason that my 'column' will be posted under Team Queer: Movement and Sports Through A Bent Lens. I know that there's a reason so many women don't like sports because on many levels, I am those women myself. So I will be spending a lot of time uncovering (and encouraging YOU to uncover for yourself) reasons that 'sports' in general are a major turn off to women.

Not a good week for the ladies, sports-wise. First up, in order of horrifying: The Chicago White Sox haven't been doing so hot, so they initiated a little "slumpbuster" that involved taking two female blow-up dolls and arranging them in the team clubhouse with baseball bats jammed into various orifices. Surrounding the dolls with players' bats, the team also stuck a sign on one encouraging players and clubhouse visitors to "push."

The title of this post is the song title of another provocatively-titled entity (or problematically-titled entity, depending on whom you ask), 3 Leg Torso, a band I saw perform tonight. I've never been good at describing genres, but I'll call it a mashup of Klezmer/Chamber/Gypsy/Circus/Carnival/(see, this is why I don't write music reviews). The point is, it was one of the best shows I've seen in years. My mouth hurt afterwards because I had a perpetual smile through almost the whole show. Equally impressive was the opener, Fish Tank Ensemble. Please check them both out.   

Earlier in the day, I let my friend Ben convince me to accompany him to a professional basketball game between the Portland Trailblazers and the San Antonio Spurs.

Allow me to set the stage (even though really, you had to be there to understand)...